


it's nothing to fear

by alovelessgame



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Accidental Farm Animal Acquisition, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 18:50:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5939455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alovelessgame/pseuds/alovelessgame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>there are probably better ways to woo a person than to buy them farm animals.</p><p>never let it be said that jamie benn ever did things the easy way.</p><p>(or: jamie benn and his accidental animal sanctuary)</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's nothing to fear

**Author's Note:**

> so this is dedicated to/blamed on the amazing betty, who listened to me prattle on about a jamie/tyler western au. for whatever reason i did not write that fic but instead thought about how amazingly terrible jbenn would be at owning livestock. this fic is what came of that.
> 
> set during the early part of the 2015-2016 season.
> 
> title is from "fever to the form" by nick mulvey

It starts with, of all things, a cow named Bessie.

“Dude, she has your eyes,” Tyler says and the rest of the guys laugh along, but the thing is, he’s not wrong.

Jamie knows next to nothing about cows except maybe how good they taste when served medium rare, but Bessie has to the prettiest one he’s ever seen; golden brown, with a soft black nose and long black eyelashes.

“A Jersey,” the owner of the ranch points out when he notices the object of the team’s collective attention. “Used to be the family milk cow but she’s getting to the end of her time.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jamie asks.

“Well, she’s getting up there in age and we can’t breed her now that her milk supply has dried up. It breaks my wife’s heart but that’s the way it is on a farm - everybody has a job to do.”

And the tour moves along ( _a fun adventure_ , the staff had said, _to show the new guys the “Texas lifestyle”_ ) but Jamie can’t stop thinking about big wet eyes staring back up at him.

* 

He’s off during practice the next day, quiet and spending the majority of his time trying to dodge Coach’s narrow-eyed glances.

“What’s wrong with you today?” Tyler mutters, knocking into his shoulder. There’s nothing much to do while waiting in line for their turn at drills and Jamie finds himself barely biting back the hysterical _I think I want to buy a cow._

He shrugs and Tyler knocks into him again, a little bit harder this time. “Alright, then. Keep your secrets.”

*

It isn’t a question of being able to _afford_ Bessie, but of how practical it would be. He’s just moved into a new house and while, yeah, the backyard is huge, is it really large enough to support an actual cow? Is it even legal to own a farm animal in suburban Dallas? What would the team think? What would his parents think?

What would _Tyler_ think?

But a week comes and goes and he still can’t seem to stop thinking about it, so one morning over breakfast he mutters “I think I’m going to buy her” to Jordie.

“I don’t think it’s legal to own another human being, Chubbs.” Jordie never stops tapping at his phone.

“No,” Jamie says. “I mean Bessie.”

“Wait…the _cow_?” Jordie finally looks up.

“Yeah, man. It’s been bothering me since our trip.”

“Bothering you?” Jordie says. “You realize that we ate a cow for dinner last night, right?”

Jamie glares. “I know that. I just…feel like this is something I need to do, ya know?”

Jordie runs his hands down his beard, the way he does when he hears a particularly awe-inspiring piece of stupidity. After a moment he finally nods. “Alrighty, then. Let’s go get you a cow.”

*

To say that the rancher is incredulous is an understatement.

Two boys from Victoria drive up in a tricked-out pickup truck hauling an old, rusted horse trailer and asking to buy a cow sounds like the set-up to a terrible joke. The rancher is understandably confused but the rancher’s wife jumps at the chance to avert Bessie’s death sentence after extracting a series of promises from both Jamie and Jordie.

“You won’t eat her, right?”

“No, ma’am.” Jamie says.

“And you have a nice shelter for her, right?”

“Being delivered later on today.” Jordie stops rubbing Bessie’s ears and receives a head-butt for his negligence.

“Good, good. And you have some hay?”

Jamie and Jordie share a look and the rancher’s wife clicks her tongue at them. “Throw a couple of those bales into the truck-bed and I’ll grab you a bag of corn.”

A couple of hours later they’re standing on the back porch, nursing beers. Bessie is busy happily munching away at the previously manicured grass and the earthy smell of manure has already begun wafting towards the house.

Jamie smiles. “What the fuck did I just do?”

“Cheers to that, Chubbs.” Jordie lifts his beer in a toast.

*

The easiest solution for his problem? Don’t let anyone else know that a bovine has absconded into his backyard.

He spends the next couple of weeks turning down hosting the team suppers and spending as much time as he can at Tyler’s house, because if Tyler comes over, then Marshall and Cash will have to. And while Bessie was raised around dogs he really doesn’t want one of the boys to accidently get kicked or something.

So nothing much changes, except for Jordie’s new habit of mooing to get his attention. And the clandestine weekly deliveries of hay and grain he’s had to arrange. And the very specific pet sitter he had to find so he could leave on road trips without worrying too much. But overall Bessie is a good cow and things return to a slightly different, but very similar state of normal.

He finally gets the phone call he’s been dreading when he’s getting geared up for practice. He doesn’t like it when the guys use their cell phones in the locker room too much but he doesn’t recognize the phone number.

“Hello?” He plugs one ear to try to drown out Sharpy and Tyler’s chirping.

“Mr. Benn?” Gabe the pet sitter sounds a little frantic. “You might wanna get over here as soon as you can.”

“What’s wrong?” Jamie asks.

“Um, well…” Jamie can make out several voices raised in the background. “Bessie might’ve tried eating her way through the fence and now the neighbors have called the cops and I don’t really know what you want me to do about it.”

Jamie glances up to find Jordie watching him from across the room. Jamie mouths _Bessie_ before replying. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Okay,” Gabe says. “Okay. I’ll stall them, I guess.”

Jamie hangs up and walks over to Jordie, leaning down until his cheek touches his brother’s ear. “I need to go. Bessie’s in trouble with the law.” His words are barely above a whisper and easily drowned out by the sounds of the room.

Jordie nods, smacking the back of his knuckles into Jamie’s stomach. “Methinks you look a little under the weather, Chubbs. Better go have that looked at.”

Thirty minutes and one of the coaching staff catching him “retching” in the men’s room later, Jamie finally makes it back to the house. The cops at least have the decency to turn off their lights and are gathered in his backyard. Bessie moos contently when she sees Jamie, like she doesn’t understand what all this fuss is about, while behind her a good-sized section of the wooden fence is lying on the ground with a few gnaw marks on it.

Gabe sees him first and waves him over to one of the officers. Jamie introduces himself, listens to the list of Bessie’s crimes (destruction of private property, disturbing the peace, being a general nuisance) and learns that you legally can, in fact, own a farm animal in Preston Hollow.

The officer taps his pen against his clipboard. “Although that usually tends to mean some backyard chickens or even a goat, not a full grown heifer.” He signs the paper with a flourish and rips off a copy for Jamie to keep. “Just fix the fence and keep your cow on a shorter leash.”

“Yes, sir.” Jamie watches until the officers have closed the gate on their way out. He turns to see Gabe sneaking Bessie some carrot treats and can’t help rolling his eyes. “Really, Bessie? It’s not like you’re starving to death. Did you really have to eat their fence?”

The gate creaks back open and Jamie sighs, wondering what other charges the officers are going to level against his cow, and promptly chokes on his words.

“Um…” Tyler is still flushed from practice, his hair in disarray and holding a bag from that gourmet soup place Jamie makes fun of him for liking. “Why is there a cow in your backyard?”

Bessie’s breath ruffles the back of Jamie’s hair. He can imagine how they all look: Gabe trying and failing to pretend like he isn’t interested in whatever drama is going down right now, Bessie’s long tongue trying desperately to take a swipe at Jamie’s hair (one of her favorite targets and the reason Jamie has to shower every time he spends more than five minutes in her presence) and Tyler struck dumb, clutching a bag of soup to his chest like it will explain everything to him.

“Tyler,” Jamie finally mutters. “You’ve met Bessie? Bessie, you remember Tyler.”

*

“You bought a cow.” Tyler says.

“Yep.”

“Just...like that?”

Jamie pours a little more soup into his bowl. “Pretty much. Jordie helped.”

“I knew something was going on with you two.” Tyler mutters, waving Jamie off when he gestures _are you doing to eat that?_ towards the bread rolls. “Oh my god, you mean there was a reason for all the mooing?”

Jamie nods, dipping his bread in. “He has a stupid sense of humor.”

“Huh. So what are you going to do with her?”

“What do you mean?” Jamie asks.

“Well, you have a full-grown cow living in your backyard. I’m guessing from the nice shelter and the sheer number of treats bags lying around that you’re not going to eat her?”

“No way, man, she’s _Bessie._ ” Jamie says, like that somehow explains the whole situation and how he feels about it.

And maybe it does, because Tyler just nods and steals one of his rolls. “I wonder how she feels about dogs.”

*

A couple of months pass and the fence gets replaced. Jamie smears some all-natural tar on the wooden slats in an effort to curb Bessie’s chewing habit and it works for the most part, even if it does stain the wood an unsightly black color. Tyler and the dogs start spending more time over at Jamie’s and Bessie gets into the bad habit of coming up to the back door, like she should be allowed inside the house just like the boys. Jamie can’t help but let her in a couple of times, if only to see Jordie’s face when he stumbles down the stairs in the morning and runs smack dab into Bessie’s bulk.

Jamie keeps the rancher’s wife – _Martha_ – updated on Bessie but is still surprised to see her phone number pop up on a Sunday morning.

“One of my dearest and oldest friends has a miniature donkey that she can’t take care of anymore and I told her about what you did for Bessie. Would you be so kind as to take him, just until we can figure something else out?”

“Um, sure.” Jamie says, startled into submission.

“Oh, you are such a kind boy!” Martha coos. “I’ll tell Gracie right away and she’ll have Roberto all ready for you by tomorrow.”

“Okay, then.” Jamie says and turns to stare at Jordie, who is glaring at him from behind the kitchen island.

“Jamie Randolph Benn, what did you just agree to?”

*

Roberto is approximately 3 feet tall and 200 pounds of _pure awesome_.

Jamie sends Tyler a quick picture and gets an emoji-strewn reply back that basically translates to _that is an awesome horse-like creature._

“He looks like a Dalmatian,” Tyler whispers an hour later, waving an apple to get Roberto’s attention. Bessie attempts to make a grab for it and Tyler hides the treat behind his back. “No, Bessie, you know apples can give you bloat.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be on a date?” Jamie asks.

Tyler shrugs, wiping Bessie’s snot off of his suit jacket like it’s nothing. “I rescheduled, dude. It’s not very often that you get to meet a new member of the family for the first time!”

Jamie desperately hopes that Tyler can’t see the sappy look on his face, but he gets the feeling that Roberto is silently judging him.

Whatever, so he’s in love with Seggy. It’s nothing new and Roberto’s just going to have to get used to it.

“C’mon man, let me show you his sweater collection.” Jamie says and tries not to laugh at Tyler’s resulting gasp of delight.

*

Tyler takes it upon himself to come over every night and change Roberto’s sweater.

“You know we live in Texas, right?” Jamie leans against the doorway, watching as Tyler tries his damnedest to squeeze the donkey into a sweater that might be a tad bit too small for him.

“It still gets chilly at night, Jamie.” Tyler huffs. “And this one fit when he first got here.”

“I don’t know what you’re insinuating.” Jamie sips at his beer. “My animals are well-loved.”

“More like fat,” Tyler mutters, finally managing to pull the waistband of the sweater over Roberto’s bulk and reaches up to pat the donkey’s flank. “Thanks for the help, buddy.”

Roberto whinnies and meanders off, leaving Tyler kneeling on the ground. Jamie takes a moment to breathe it all in: Bessie already half asleep in the shadow of the big cottonwood tree, Roberto still nosing at the trough for more food, Tyler sitting there covered in snot and donkey hair and looking like the best thing Jamie’s ever seen.

The front door slams shut and breaks whatever trance Jamie’s fallen into. He hears Jordie’s call of “Pizza!” and Tyler stands up, knocking his shoulder into Jamie’s on the way inside.

Jamie takes one last look at his little family and follows him in.

*

The first person from the team to find out about Jamie’s secret, accidental farm is Sharpy.

Or, to be more specific, Sharpy’s _daughters._

They’re dropping Shooter off for a play date when the girls ask to use the bathroom and, not being a complete and total monster, Jamie leads them to the half-bath just off the kitchen –

And straight into where Roberto is standing at the sliding doors, fogging up the glass.

“Papa, ‘onkey! ‘onkey!” The resulting screams of delight bring Sharpy, Tyler, and the dogs running. Jamie tries to hold them back but a grown-ass man is no obstacle for two little girls intent on petting a cute animal and by the time Sharpy makes it into the kitchen Roberto has already made his way inside the house.

Jamie feels a sense of dread at the look of pure, unadulterated glee that lights up Sharpy’s face.

“That’s a donkey.”

“Yep,” Tyler says casually, like one sees a mini donkey in a kitchen every day. “Name’s Roberto.”

“A donkey. Named Roberto.” Sharpy is already reaching for his phone when Tyler catches his arm.

“You can’t tell anyone,” Jamie pleads.

“Why?” Sharpy has to raise his voice to be heard over the girls’ coos of adoration. “Oh my god, you stole him, didn’t you?”

“What?” Jamie sputters. “No! But –”

His completely logical argument is interrupted by Bessie attempting to squeeze her bulk through the partially open door, sending the Sharp girls into another apoplectic fit of excitement and knocking over one of the chairs in her effort to join the party.

Jamie looks around at the menagerie of humans and animals cluttering up his kitchen and sighs. “God damn it.”

*

Within a few hours’ time Roberto and Bessie have been pet, coddled, and snuck treats by the entire Stars roster. Jamie beats a strategic retreat to the kitchen, dragging the nearly-empty bags of treats behind him.

“They’re going to go on a hunger strike,” he grumbles at Jordie’s amused look.

“Bessie’ll never touch her hay again.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Jamie says. Although the inevitable refusal to eat anything not presented in a sweet or cylindrical form was going to be a pain in the ass to deal with, Jamie can’t help but smile. There had, of course, been some good-natured chirping but for the most part everyone was too excited about the amazing start to their season to talk too much shit.

That, and Bessie’s big brown eyes worked wonders.

“Jamie?” Jamie looks up to see Val shifting his weight at the kitchen door, gripping the doorframe tightly. His accent is heavier with stress.

Jamie frowns. “What’s up, Val?”

“Um,” Val glances over his shoulder to where the small group is staring at Bessie, Tyler, and – Jamie squints – Klingberg? “You should talk to Tyler, yes?”

Overall it must be a pretty civil disagreement because Jamie is practically on top of them before he can understand what the two men are hissing at each other.

“I _told_ you,” Tyler is saying slowly, waving a bright red apple in the rookie’s face. “She’ll get _bloat_. Hell, she could _die_!”

And Jamie knows that Tyler is just being protective of Bessie (after all, he had been the one who had dragged Jamie to approximately 300 big animal vets until he was satisfied they’d found ‘The One’) and bloat was a scary prospect that said vet had warned them very strongly about, but even Jamie has to admit that Tyler is being a tad bit condescending.

“Hey, what’s going on here?” Jamie asks in an captainly attempt to diffuse the situation.

They ignore him.

“I _heard_ you the first time,” Klingberg snaps back. “I wasn’t going to give it to her! Why do you care anyway? It’s not like she’s yours.”

“Woah, woah,” Jordie calls out from behind Jamie. “Not cool, Burger.”

Klingberg at least has the grace to look sorry for that last comment, but Tyler stiffens beside Jamie and –

_Oh._

He’s staring at the rookie with an expression like he’s just been hit in the face by a slap-shot. “Its fine,” he mumbles after a moment and, tossing the apple over to Jamie, walks past the gathering crowd and into the house.

“Shit,” Jordie mutters.

*

It isn’t that Tyler starts _avoiding_ them, per say. It’s more like he’s just suddenly super busy with projects and people that Jamie had never heard about before.

“You should come over,” Jamie finds himself saying one day after practice, nearly a month after The Incident. “Jordie has been dressing Roberto and that poor donkey looks so rough.”

Tyler keeps undressing. “Sorry, dude. I can’t.” He yanks his shoulder pads off so fast they get stuck on his ears. These days he’s usually done with his shower before Jamie’s even had a chance to unlace his skates. “I’ve got a couple of old buds from Brampton coming down. Thought I would show them Dallas, ya know?”

It seems kind of strange, but Jamie isn’t going to come right out and say that he thinks Tyler’s a _liar._ So he bites down on his tongue and makes what he hopes is an affirmative sound.

“Um,” Tyler stops by Jamie’s legs, towel wrapped tightly around his waist. “Give ‘em my love, okay?”

“Always,” Jamie mutters and tries not to watch Tyler walk away from him.

*

“You’re pining,” Jordie says a couple of weeks later, biting into one of Roberto’s apples. Said donkey is watching him intently through the sliding glass doors.

“Am not,” Jamie mutters.

“Are, too.”

Jamie elects to remain silent and keep preparing the steaks for supper. If he swings the meat tenderizer with perhaps a tad bit too much enthusiasm, well, it’s just because he likes to be through.

“Everyone can tell, ya know? They keep asking me why you guys broke up. The kids are scared they’ll have to choose a parent, Chubbs.”

Jamie snorts. “Maybe Tyler just wants some time…away.” The word sits sour on his tongue.

“I don’t think so, bro. I think he got a little bit too close and it spooked him.”

Jamie tries not to react. Reacting will lead Jordie straight to the ball of unrequited _whatever_ that sits heavy in his chest like blood calls to a shark. “I don’t know what you’re –”

“Oh, come off it,” Jordie says. “I’ve seen you head-over-heels before, Jamie. Who helped you put out the fire in Stacey Christiansen’s car?”

“That was an _accident –”_

“And now it’s Tyler. It’s been Tyler since the first moment you saw him and don’t you dare try telling me differently.”

Jamie finally nods, his heart somewhere in the vicinity of his stomach.

Jordie takes pity on him, throwing an arm around his shoulders. “Well, then, what are you going to do about it?”

*

Jamie kidnaps Marshall and Cash.

“This isn’t what I had in mind, Chubbs!” Jordie says, staring at Jamie like he’s crazy. Which he’s totally not.

 _Okay_ , so maybe telling the pet sitter that Tyler had sent him to pick up the boys was a dick move but he’s desperate. “He barely talks to me, Jordie!”

“So you kidnapped his kids to get him to talk to you? Like an abusive spouse?”

“Well, when you put it like _that_.” Marshall is already stretched out in “his” spot on the couch while Cash digs through the rest of the chairs, looking for his favorite rope toy. Jamie never noticed how much he’d missed them until they were gone. “I just…need him to talk to me. I need five minutes where he’s not trying to run away from me.”

Jamie’s phone starts ringing, Beyoncé crooning _if you liked it, then you should’ve put a ring on it._ Jordie throws his hands up in the air, edging towards the front door. “I was never here. I saw nothing.”

Jamie takes a deep breath and swipes to the right. “Hello?”

“Do you have the boys?” Tyler’s voice is tight.

“Yeah. I thought I’d bring them over, let them play with Bessie and Roberto.”

“You should’ve asked first, Jamie.” Tyler says.

“I know, sorry.” Jamie mumbles. “You, um, could come over too. If you wanted.” He winces at the pleading in his tone.

Tyler sighs. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

*

Cash somehow manages to get his head stuck in the couch, which goes a long way towards easing the awkwardness that settles in after Tyler’s arrival. Bessie and Roberto crowd around the patio when they hear his voice and Jamie takes a moment to quietly panic in the living room while Tyler goes to say hi to them.

“They really missed you,” Jamie says when he finally follows him outside.

Tyler is rubbing his hands along the side of Bessie’s muzzle. “I know.”

Jamie fidgets, uncomfortable. The worst thing that can happen is Tyler walking out never to speak to him again, but that scenario actually isn’t that far from where they are right now. “I missed you too.”

Tyler nods, threading his long fingers through the curls on the top of Bessie’s head; she moos in bliss and he breathes out a little laugh. “Sorry, I just have a lot of things going on right now.”

And any other day Jamie would be willing to believe him but today, apparently, is the day he’s decided to be stupidly brave. “That’s bullshit.” He crosses his arms, watching Tyler’s hand freeze mid-pet. “And I don’t know what I did or said to make you not want to be here anymore, but know that I’m sorry. I’m really, _really_ sorry, Tyler.”

He tries to swallow down the lump in his throat and ends up having to clear it awkwardly. Tyler is still standing there, a frown spreading across his face like a thunderstorm. “Sorry? You haven’t done anything wrong, Jamie.”

“Then why won’t you even talk to me?” Jamie pleads. The urge to grab Tyler by the shoulders and _shake_ him is almost overwhelming. “Is it because of something I did? I said? Did I make you uncomfortable –”

Tyler just keeps shaking his head. “No! You didn’t do anything.”

Jamie can’t help the bitter laugh. “You say I didn’t do anything, but you can barely stand to look at me! I didn’t do anything, but you –”

“Fine! It’s because I wanted it to be true, okay?” Tyler finally looks up at him and sighs at Jamie’s confusion. “What Burger said that night. I realized I wanted Bessie and Roberto and the boys to be _ours,_ okay? And I know you wouldn’t want that, so I had to get my head on straight.”

This is…not the direction Jamie thought this conversation would be heading. He feels a little unmoored, like Tyler has just stripped away all of his thoughts. “You…thought I would say no? To this?” He waves a hand, encompassing his disaster of a backyard and the pushy livestock and the dogs trying to sneak a bite of a cow patty. “Or to you?”

Tyler stares at the run-down grass around their feet and shrugs. “Either. Or.”

The laughter that explodes up from Jamie’s chest tastes like pure joy. “It’s just…so _stupid_.” At Tyler’s affronted look, Jamie quickly grasps his hand. “You thought I wouldn’t want you here with us and I was scared you’d finally figured out I liked you as more than just a friend, eh?”

He wants for the confession to register, squeezing Tyler’s hand gently between his.

“I didn’t know.” Tyler stumbles over his words, staring at Jamie like he’s never seen him before.

“I know,” Jamie says. “Well, I know that _now_.”

Tyler laughs and Jamie can’t help but join in, so happy he feels fit to burst. Tyler’s fingers thread with his own and everything that has, can, or ever will happen is suddenly so, so _small_ in comparison to this moment. 

*

It’s a cold Dallas morning when Jamie gets another phone call from Martha. Jamie has to fight his way out of the octopus-hold Tyler has him in and the boys laying across each of his legs to reach his phone.

“’ello?” Jamie whispers, voice sleep-raspy.

“So, how do you feel about chickens?”

Jamie leans back against the pillows, smiling at the way Tyler immediately curls back around him. His hair a complete disaster, but one of his brown eyes is peering up at Jamie.

“Chickens?” Jamie repeats and Tyler smiles. “Sounds good to us.”


End file.
